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Q: My marriage is a wreck. My spouse and I haven't been close and I've ended up straying as a result. I don't want to lose my marriage, but I've started this other relationship now and I don't know what to do. Can you help?

A: The covenant of marriage is an extremely strong union and according to God it is unbreakable in the realm of the spirit. God sees the married couple as one, even going so far as to tell us that when both husband and wife are not in agreement, their very prayers are hindered. So, it stands to reason that it is not God's will that you have relations with anyone other than your spouse.

The Bible is our manual—our Code Book for living. I like to say it's a welfare book. It's there for your welfare and if you obey it, you'll fare well!

In Exodus 20, God outlined some commandments for the children of Israel. One of them was "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" as recorded in verse 14. The reason for God doing this was simple: To keep the foundation of society, marriage, intact.

God knew that it would be devastating to one spouse if the other broke his/her marital promise and strayed. You see, God knows the heart of man. He knows the heart of woman. After all, He created them! Together husband and wife are one in His sight. And His best is that we remain faithful to our spouse through good times and bad.

There are so many reasons why God is so clear cut about this. One is because of trust. Trust is essential to any good marriage. When a man or woman has casual sex or develops an intimate sexual relationship outside the marriage, the mutual trust between the married couple is completely destroyed.

Not only is their relationship cruelly undermined, but the children receive a confused message about love, trust and fidelity between husbands and wives. Through example, an adulterous spouse teaches his or her child that it is normal behavior to break promises and hurt others for personal gain.

In fact, it may prove to the child that giving into one's whims is of the utmost importance, even if it risks hurting those near. Clearly, it is not God's will for any husband or wife to destroy trust and hurt their spouse and children through adultery.

The Bible tells us the principles of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4. There it says, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does."

This means that, according to God, you don't have the right to give your body to anyone else. It belongs to your spouse. There is no gray area here!

Affection is not a one-sided thing. It is your duty in marriage. In 1 Corinthians 6:13 it tells us that God ordained certain purposes for the body. In biblical times, many people used the excuse that when a man is hungry he must eat and when he has sexual desire he must fulfill it—in any way he can. But this was man's reasoning, not God's will.

In the Bible, God tells us that the digestive functions of the stomach and sexual functions of the body are not one in the same. Food is only temporary. Sexuality, on the other hand, reaches our inner most being because it is through sex that the mystery of two becoming one occurs (Eph. 5:31-32). It is a function of the body that is "for the Lord" and His purposes and is to be practiced only within the marriage relationship.

Proverbs 6:32 says, "But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul." You see, adultery is a form of sexual immorality. The Bible calls sexual immorality a sin against the body.

In other words, God created the body to work within certain guidelines and when we cause our bodies to stray from those guidelines, the body will experience the repercussions. "Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own. For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

Just a few verses before, it says that when we link ourselves to another person in immorality, we literally link Jesus Christ to them! Think about that for a minute! That ought to make you stop your other relationship quick!

Jesus confronted a situation with an adulterous woman in John 8:3-11. There it is recorded that a certain woman was caught in the very act of adultery. During that time, the Law of Moses stated that people should be stoned for committing adultery.

So, the Pharisees brought the woman to Jesus to see what He would do about it. What did Jesus do? Jesus said, "...He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." When the Pharisees heard this, they left one by one until the only ones left were Jesus and the woman.

Then Jesus asked her, "Woman, where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?" And what did the woman say? "She said, No Man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."

Jesus doesn't want you to feel condemnation today. But He does want you to be convicted of your sin. (You may want to read 1 John chapter one.) You see, God meant for sex to be a wonderful thing. It is His gift to husband and wife—a way to celebrate the passion and joy of being together and perpetuate the cycle of life.

But if you've found that you've strayed from God's original plan and have slipped into another relationship, all hope is not lost! God created The Way, The Truth and The Life through Jesus' shed blood on the cross for you to be cleansed of all sin and given the strength to resist further sin.

Yet, before you can be set free from any bondage and have the Holy Spirit begin to help you successfully resist sin and restore the relationship in your marriage, you must want to give up the other relationship.

Although God can help you, He will not force Himself on you. He is a gentleman and will only help when He's asked in faith. So, it's crucial that you ask yourself if you're ready to really give your life to Him... not just part of your life, but your whole life.

Be honest. You don't have to worry about doing it all on your own. If you're serious, God will give you the strength to end the relationship and resist the temptation in the future.

I am sure that you are in a situation filled with complex issues and feelings. In fact, that is just what sin does to a life. It complicates it.

Sin will take you further than you want to go. It will keep you longer than you want to stay. It'll charge you more than you want to pay! Life in God is simple! God's will is for you to make a clean break from the sin that has unsettled your life so much.

Remember, no matter what the situation, sexual relationships outside the marriage are not God's will. It doesn't matter what your spouse has done or hasn't done, having an intimate relationship with another is not God's plan.

And unless a person repents, the scriptures say in 1 Corinthian 6:9-10 that they will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Bible warns us not to be deceived. Integrity and morality must be traits of a Christian if they expect to see Heaven. This means that even though sex outside of marriage may be common today, it is still a sin.

And it will keep a lot of people out of Heaven if they don't repent and give their lives back to God. Don't let this happen to you. Ending the relationship may be difficult because you've established emotional ties. But no matter what...that person isn't worth going to hell over!

God is waiting with open arms to forgive you and restore your marriage today. He can do it if you'll let Him. Will you open your life to His goodness and grace today? If so, all you have to do is admit that you are in sin and let God know you need His forgiveness of the sin.

Then, repent—make a quality decision to turn away from the relationship today. You can do it! God is here, ready and willing to forgive and help you. Reach out to Him and make that change today!

Copyright © Jesse Duplantis Ministries
All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Author Biography

Jesse Duplantis
Web site: Jesse Duplantis Ministries
 
Jesse Duplantis is a dynamic evangelist who has traveled throughout the world since 1978 preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He is the founder of Jesse Duplantis Ministries (JDM), which has its International Headquarters in America and additional offices in the United Kingdom and Australia.
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