Did you know that God wants your marriage to be great? It’s true! He actually created marriage to be wonderful – to be a little slice of heaven on earth.
There’s so much to say about marriage, and I’m not an expert – but I’ve learned some things over time, and I’ve counseled a lot of marriages. I’ve found out that just because a couple says “I do” there’s no lifetime guarantee of joy and happiness.
Having a good marriage takes effort. Most married couples I know want to have a good marriage, but they don’t always know how. Here are 3 keys I’ve found that work... KEY #1: Put Your Spouse First (even before the kids). The #1 cause of marital discord or divorce is selfishness – thinking of yourself before your spouse. It sounds simplistic, but real love is putting the other person first. That means you’ll have to work at understanding your spouse and give real effort to meeting their needs.
Have you noticed that men and women are very different from each other? I am convinced that most women don’t understand what makes men tick, and vice versa. A huge key to putting your spouse first is knowing what they need. They aren’t like you – their needs are different from yours!
In my CD 3 Key’s to a Heaven-on-Earth-Marriage”I go into detail about men’s top four needs and women’s top four needs. Get it, or get a great book like His Needs, Her Needs by William F. Harley Jr. Without this important information, I think couples flounder in misunderstanding and struggle in their efforts to put their spouse first.
KEY #2: Look to God’s Word. The Bible is how we get a vision for our life. Too often we are trying to conform to the world’s vision for marriage, and it fails miserably. Instead, focus regularly on what God says about your role in marriage, and become a doer of His Word. When you govern your relationship His way, it works!
To best understand your God-given roles in a marriage, I recommend that you read these verses regularly in the Amplified Bible:
- Wives - Ephesians 5:22-24, 33; 1 Peter 3:1-4
- Husbands - Ephesians 5:25-33; 1Peter 3:7
- Couples - 1 Cor 13:4-8
KEY #3: Spend time together. No relationship gets better without putting in the time, being around each other, learning each other and enjoying each other. If you’re a businessman, how does your business get more prosperous? You work at it, spend time on it. If you’re a musician or a dancer, how do you stay good or get better at it? You practice.
You get the idea. The way a relationship gets better or stays strong is by spending time on it. Here are a few ideas how to do that:
- Weekly dates. These must be scheduled, and let nothing else take precedence! It doesn’t have to be expensive – go on a picnic, take a walk, go out for ice cream, watch a DVD, etc. You might have to do it after kids go to bed. Teach your children that mommy and daddy need time together (it’s a great example for them).
- Daily time alone together. Best recommendation – go to bed at the same time and have pillow talk.
- Do chores or errands together. Not only do many hands make light work, but you can develop a sense of teamwork, accomplishing things together, supporting one another.
- Once or twice a year weekend getaways. Again, doesn’t have to be expensive, just get away. Removed from every day pressures. Marriage retreats.
- Allow for time with guys/girls. Let your spouse spend time with their friends. Let absence make the heart grow fonder.
- Always be reading a marriage book together. You know the saying ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.’ If you’re doing small, consistent things to strengthen your marriage, you won’t have big blow ups that cost a lot in time and heart ache.
TAKE ACTION: Begin reading the verses under Key #2, and ask God for one area where you can put your spouse first and make them feel special. Make a date this week to do something together.
available at www.KarenJensen.org.