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It seems as if everyone wants to rush it. In fact, most people think they aren't complete without it or that all of their problems will be solved when they find it. What am I talking about? Dating, and (maybe someday!), marriage!

For some reason, we've had it in our thinking that we will not be complete until we find "The One," the perfect partner with whom we can share our innermost thoughts, dreams, fears and desires. We often feel that there are gaps in our lives or obstacles in our way that only a relationship can solve.

Why do we think this way? More than likely it's because we have unknowingly accepted society's interpretation of what it means to be single and have not taken the time to embrace what God says about it.

Everywhere you look there are television shows, movies, magazines, books and music that portray singleness as a disease or a "pit stop" on the way to a permanent relationship. The implication is that if you're not with someone, you're incomplete, picky, frigid, or emotionally unstable.

Unfortunately, many people look for someone in the hopes of easing their feelings of loneliness, frustration or worry. They usually end up worse off then when they started because they did not comprehend a key principle: a poor understanding of true singleness always leads to problems in a relationship.

It's A Good Thing
Singleness, from a more positive perspective, is where everything begins. According to God, it's OK to be single, but not good to be alone (Gen. 2:18).

You may be asking, "What's the difference?" Let's break these words down and discover their original meanings.

To be single means, "to be separate, unique and whole." Think about that. What makes you, you? Is it the way you laugh, dress or look? What about the things you say and the way in which you process information?

Would you like to lose the qualities that separate you from everyone else and make you unique? Of course not—you are special!

Take a moment to think about the characteristics and qualities that make you a unique person. Write them down (at least ten) on a sheet of paper and place your list in an easily accessible location where you can see it every day.

On those days when you need an emotional boost, look at the qualities you have listed, and remember that you are a one-of-a-kind creation, precious in God's sight! No one in the world will ever be just like you.

In fact, even identical twins differ from one another in behavior, thought patterns, the processing of information and emotional reactions. No matter how alike two people may seem, their experiences and genetic makeup play key roles in their development.

Think of it this way. All Americans have been assigned a social security number. Each person has a different number. Everything is tailored to respond to that number: bank accounts, credit reports, military records and medical files, to name a few.

By your number, you can be tracked down and pulled out of a crowd of millions. The same is true on a spiritual level. When you stand before God, you stand as a separate and distinct individual, regardless of the fact that you may be an identical twin or married.

None of these relational ties—especially dating—changes your singleness.

You should therefore never have a problem with being single. In fact, it's the basis for who you are as a person! Singleness is not a bad, negative or unhealthy state of being.

And neither is it anything to be ashamed of; rather, it is something to be pursued because it highlights your individuality and uniqueness! Take, for example, your key ring.

There are probably several different keys on it. Every key on that ring is unique, separate and whole in its purpose. Each one can open something another one can't.

The keys did not lose their ability when they were placed on a ring with others that functioned the same way. This is how you should see yourself—a valuable part of a bigger picture.

When a person lays aside their individuality just because they are "with someone," problems tend to arise very quickly. Why? He or she entered that relationship with the wrong mindset.

They expected their boyfriend/girlfriend to make them complete or solve their problems of insecurity, inadequacy or inferiority. That's a lot of pressure to put on another person!

No one should date until he or she is comfortable in his or her individuality. In fact, you shouldn't even think about it until you truly understand what it means to be separate, unique and whole.

Make A Change!
Almost everyone has something they don't like about themselves, whether it's a physical, emotional, mental or spiritual trait. But that doesn't mean you're condemned to living with those negative qualities forever.

Instead of always thinking or talking about what you don't like about yourself, try this exercise. Make a list of your top five negative qualities. Create an action plan and timeline for turning those liabilities into assets.

Be sure to give yourself enough time in which to do this, and perhaps recruit a partner to help you stay on track. It won't be long before you'll begin to see positive changes in your life!

Source: The Successful Family Book by Creflo and Taffi Dollar.
Excerpt permission granted by Creflo Dollar Ministries

Author Biography

Creflo A. Dollar and Taffi L. Dollar
Web site: World Changers Ministries
 
Dr. Creflo A. Dollar is the pastor and founder of World Changers Church International, a non-denominational church located in College Park, Georgia.
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