We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the humorous rules from the male side. (Please note these are all numbered "1" on purpose!)

# 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

# 1. Sunday=sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

# 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

# 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!

# 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we would be any good at choosing which pair (out of thirty) would look good with your dress?

# 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Our vocabulary isn't as fluid as yours.

# 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

# 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor...or pray!

# 1. Please let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as you hear it.

# 1. If you think you're fat, don't ask our opinion. We refuse to answer, but we still love you.

# 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and if one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

# 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

# 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

# 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

# 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

#1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

# 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

# 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

# 1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you, honey, for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know, I really don't mind...it's sort of like camping!

Dean Hawk Ministries
All rights reserved. Used by permission.