One of our deepest, most motivating drives as humans is to be loved. We want to be accepted.
Our need for acceptance goes all the way back to creation when a God of love created us to be in right relationship with Him and with each other. It's no surprise, then, that rejection can be one of our most painful experiences.
Now some of us, especially men, may be too tough or independent to admit this need. After all, it weakens our macho image. Yet even that is a defensive reaction to a deeper fear of rejection. By having a macho image, we hold back from relationships simply to avoid being rejected.
In understanding our need for acceptance, it also helps to face the fact that the world we live in is geared for just the opposite—rejection! Oh, the world does offer acceptance, but unlike God's, its acceptance is based on performance.
That means if we don't meet society's standards, we're confronted with our failure and the possibility of rejection. What's so sad is, being the imperfect humans that we are, we're going to fail from time to time. And when we do, we get demoted, fired, kicked out, divorced, imprisoned…rejected. That's the world's way.
To make this vicious system even worse, rejection was the only thing many of us heard growing up, even before we were old enough to understand what our parents were saying. "You dummy, look at what you did!" Or, "You can't do this…You can't do that!"
Rejection, Rejection, Rejection
The result? Defense, defense, defense. By the time most people are adults, all they know is defense. Even when no one's really attacking them, they get defensive. So our tendency to get defensive is no great mystery, is it?
We're simply beings living in a world of rejection who need acceptance. This tendency is a danger we must avoid if we're going to have good communication and good relationships.
by Kenneth and Gloria Copeland
Excerpt permission granted by Harrison House Publishers