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Would you like to know one of the most important needs for most wives? Good old-fashioned honesty and openness. Naturally, both husbands and wives need to be honest with each other, but this is an acute need for women. Every wife needs to know the man who shares her life is always being honest with her.

This is especially vital because it affects a woman's response to a man's authority and headship in the home. Husbands, if your wife is going to be able to respond to your authority and leadership, she needs to know she can trust you. If she senses you're not being completely honest with her or that you're hiding something from her, she won't be able to properly submit to your leadership.

Take a look at 1 John 1:6-7: "If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not know the truth: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin."

Light is a symbol for the Word of God. You need to walk with your wife in the "light" of the Word. But "light" also means to have everything open and visible - no subterfuge, no deception. Only when we are walking in that kind of light can we have right fellowship with one another.

Obviously, the single greatest obstacle to walking in the "light" with your wife is the practice of lying. Of course, husbands don't have a monopoly on lying, wives do it, too. But as the person in the position of leadership, it's especially important that the husband eliminate this harmful habit from their lives.

Three Reasons Why Men Lie to Their Wives
One: He is a chronic or habitual liar. This usually stems from some type of self-esteem problem. This person feels that he needs to put himself in a better light by improving on the truth. This usually begins in early childhood and continues as a life-habit or stronghold right on into adulthood.

We all know people like that. It can be very troubling to be married to one of them. If you've been a chronic liar in the past, I have good news for you. When you were born again, that old man passed away. You're a new creature, so start acting like it. Stop lying.

Two: He lies to avoid conflict. Here's an example. Suppose Lynne calls me at work and asks me to stop by the store on the way home and pick up a few things, but I forget to do it. When I walk in the front door, she asks, "Did you go to the store?" If I say, "Uhhh, yeah... I did, but they were out of what you wanted," I've just lied to avoid conflict. What usually happens when this type of lying consistently takes place? The wife eventually catches on and comes to believe that her husband is not trustworthy.

Three: He lies to protect his wife. On the surface this type of lying looks sort of noble - even chivalrous. It's not. This guy tries to "protect" his wife by not telling her how bad a given situation is. He tells her things are fine when the family is in serious financial trouble. She doesn't know anything is wrong until someone shows up at the front door to foreclose on the house. This type of lying is very unfair and just plain stupid.

There is no room in the marriage relationship for dishonesty of any type. Dishonesty breeds distrust. Where there is distrust there can be no true fellowship. Men, you must be truthful with your wife. She needs it. And as your God-given partner, she deserves it.

Pretty Is Good!
The husband has a need to feel that his wife is attractive. Most every man in the world wants other people to look at his wife and say, "Wow, he certainly is blessed to be married to her." Now this may sound like bad news to some of you ladies. You may be saying, "Hey, aren't Christians supposed to look beyond the outward man and into the inner person?" Yes, but the scripture most frequently cited to support the position that Christians shouldn't be concerned about their outward appearance has been misunderstood by most people.

The passage I'm referring to is 1 Peter 3:3 where the Holy Spirit, through Peter, is instructing wives how to win their husbands:

"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meet and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

Many people misinterpret this verse because the King James Version makes it a little unclear. The Amplified Bible more accurately says, "Let not yours be the (merely) external adorning..." and the New American Standard says, "...let not your adornment be merely external...."

Ladies, God isn't against your making yourself look good. In fact, He's for it. He's just saying don't stop there - go further and make sure you've taken care of the inside too. Some women use this verse as an excuse to totally let themselves go, physically. I see it quite often as a pastor and marriage counselor. A woman will get married, have a baby and begin to allow her appearance to slide downhill. She won't pay much attention to her weight anymore. She'll get so busy chasing the kids that she won't bother with her hair or put on much makeup. Often the husband of such a woman will profess to not care about his wife's appearance. But deep down inside he usually does.

Women tend to be more spiritually sensitive than men. And men tend to be moved more easily by the senses, particularly their sense of sight. Wives, that means you can actually minister to your husband by taking care of yourself outwardly. You can use that as a way to say, "Honey, I love you so much I want to bless you by looking my best." It will endear you to him more than 99 percent of the other things you can do.

I'm not suggesting that if you're not magazine cover-girl material your husband is dissatisfied. I am saying that you should make every effort to look your personal best. I firmly believe an attractive woman is made, not born. With proper nutrition and diet you can shake those extra pounds. You can find a flattering hairstyle. Dress yourself up. Put on a little makeup. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, if you can use it to cover up a few spots and blemishes before Jesus returns, do it.

I guarantee it will make an impact on your husband. It will bless him and make your marriage stronger.

Source: Heirs Together by Mac Hammond
Excerpt permission granted by Mac Hammond Ministries

Author Biography

Mac Hammond
Web site: Mac Hammond
 
Mac Hammond is senior pastor of Living Word Christian Center, a large and growing church in Brooklyn Park (a suburb of Minneapolis), Minnesota. He is the host of the Winner’s Way broadcast and author of several internationally distributed books. Mac is broadly acclaimed for his ability to apply the principles of the Bible to practical situations and the challenges of daily living.
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