One of the top reasons given for divorce is the lack of communication. Communication is a skill that you have to learn, it's not something you are born with. A good talker doesn't automatically make a good communicator. Marriage is a mirror of Jesus Christ and the church- He didn't find a church, He built one. You don't find a good marriage, you build one. (Matt. 16:18)

One of the most important tools in the building process is learning how to communicate.

All misunderstandings, fights and affairs start with words, but on the flipside —all laughter, joy and restoration start with words.

Words Reveal the Heart
What the Word Says:

A good man out of the good treasure of the heart, bringeth forth good  things and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
(Matt. 12:35 NKJ)

Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.
(Prov. 4:23 KJV)

I Hear You
Just because a thought hits your brain doesn't mean it should come out of your mouth.  It can be easy to end up giving more thought to your words with a stranger than a spouse- with a stranger you try to be polite, but with a spouse you can just unload.

Let's not forget that second to Jesus, our relationship with our spouse is the most intimate, precious relationship we have on this earth.

Communication Tips:

• Speak Slow, Speak Soft. James 1:19- Wherefore, my beloved bretheren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. (KJV)

• Avoid Offensive Words. Proverbs 5:28- The heart of the righteous studieth to answer, but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.

Let's Start Communicating
Talking comes pretty easily, but communicating is a skill we have to develop — and it's a growing process.

Conversation Skills

1. When you don't know where to begin look for common ground.
2. Don't try to do all the talking.
3. Avoid rhetorical questions (If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask a sarcastic question)
4. Be a good listener. Good listeners- do not interrupt when others are speaking, do not spaceout, they keep their eye on the person speaking and they respond to the feelings of the speaker and show it on their face.
5. Don't fail to comment on what's being said- the

"Conversation Wheel" is ask, listen, comment.

Setting Goals Together
Now that we've covered the laws of communication, it's time to start learning what to talk about.

Subjects to discuss: spiritual life, vocations, money, children, roles, in-laws, sex, leisure, friends, hobbies, home, education.

Proverbs 16:3;9 says:
Praying: Commit your works to the Lord          
Thinking: He will establish your hearts              
Planning: Man makes his plans                               
Steps: The Lord orders his steps                      

When two or more get together, the Word says God is there. The Word also tells us the power of two in agreement; when you get together as a couple and pray, putting God in remembrance of His Word you'll be amazed at the results you will see.