Parents who have been blessed with compliant children often can’t understand the unique challenges the parents of a defiant child face. But there is good news: These defiant children have the potential to do great things for God.
Read Luke 15:11-32. The prodigal son—now, there was a defiant child. He wanted things to go his way in his time, so much so that he demanded his inheritance early. In the Jewish culture of Jesus’ day, that would have been reason enough for the father to disown him. But that’s not what the father does in this story. Instead, he gives his boy what he asked for, and he doesn’t stand in his way.
As a parent or grandparent, you may be reeling at the thought. But the father in Jesus’ story understood something about the heart of his strong-willed child: It’s better to shape the will than break the spirit.
That’s because the same stubbornness that defines many a defiant child is the same grit that will allow them to stand up for God when many others sit down.
So, what is a parent with a strong-willed child to do? There are three strategies that can help moms and dads bring out the best in their hard-to-parent kids.
First, it’s important to clarify the rules and then immediately enforce them. Defiant children need to know that actions have consequences. Despite their willfulness, these kids really do want their parents’ guidance and protection.
Second, parents of strong-willed children must major on the majors. One of the marks of godly parenting is to focus on the inner life of the child rather than on outward appearance. Focus on things like honesty, compassion, and thankfulness, and choose your battles wisely.
Finally, strong-willed children need to be affirmed in tackling responsibilities that are constructive and helpful—so give them tasks beyond what you think they are capable of. In other words, give them opportunities to shine and exceed expectations.
It may be hard to believe, but a child’s strong will can actually be a gift from God. Think again about the story of the prodigal son. In the end, which son understood the heart of the father? It was the one who was stubborn and reckless. But when his passions found their rightful home, he became a dedicated son and servant.
Prayer:
Lord, give me Your patience, perspective, and strength as I parent my children. Whether they are strong-willed or compliant, help me to focus on the majors and be an example of Your love and grace. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).
Even before he was born, it was evident that God had a vision for Michael Amerhom Youssef. His mother was in poor health at the time she became pregnant with Michael, and because her life would be jeopardized by the birth, the doctor recommended terminating the pregnancy. An abortion procedure was scheduled. But God intervened, and sent the family pastor to reassure them the night before the procedure was to take place that God was involved in this pregnancy, not to be afraid, and that this child would be "born to serve the Lord." Michael's parents accepted the pastor’s message as a message from God and obeyed. His mother gave birth, and lived to see him surrender his life to the Lord in 1964 at age sixteen.
Believing that God was calling him out of Egypt, Michael sought an exit visa at a time when no university student was permitted to hold a passport or leave the country. God intervened again, and miraculously provided approval of his application. He immigrated to Australia, where he studied at Moore Theological College in Sydney, was ordained as a minister, and met and married his wife, Elizabeth.
The Youssefs came to America in 1977 and in 1978, Michael received a master's degree in theology at Fuller Theological Seminary in California. He later earned a doctorate in social anthropology from Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.
Michael served for nearly ten years with the Haggai Institute, traveling around the world more than 32 times, teaching courses in evangelism and church leadership to church leaders. He rose to the position of Managing Director at the age of 31. The family settled in Atlanta, and in 1984, Michael became a United States citizen, fulfilling a dream he had held for many years.
He founded The Church of The Apostles in 1987 with fewer than 40 adults with the mission to "Equip the Saints and Seek the Lost." The church has since grown to a congregation of over 3000. This church on a hill was the launching pad for Leading the Way's international ministry. Leading The Way with Dr. Michael Youssef passionately proclaims uncompromising Truth through radio and television programs, the Internet, and through books, periodicals, and other resources. Programs are translated and broadcast into 20 languages, covering more than 200 countries. This Atlanta-based organization partners internationally with in-country follow-up teams to encourage believers in their faith, helping God's kingdom to grow around the world.
The path he has walked has given him a thorough cross-cultural understanding and a firm grasp of Scripture. He preaches, teaches and exhorts with a straightforward and uncompromising delivery, based on the authority of the inspired, infallible Word of God. His unique, firsthand understanding of the Holy Land, its history and culture, brings the Bible to life for listeners.